one small step for me, one giant leap into adulthood

so...my last night living at home. tomorrow i pack up my little car with a ridiculously large amount of stuff, particularly books (how in the world have i accumulated so many? i need to stop going to library book sales. i'm a sucker for $1 hardbacks. it's quite similar to my addiction to the $5 movie rack at wal-mart.) and head off into the wild world.

well, not exactly.

i'm heading to my grandfather's house, in a tiny town i've known my entire life where everybody knows me, and where i'll be teaching at my parents' high school with my aunt and cousin. but that's as close to the wild world as i care to get right now, thank you very much. it may be a cop-out but i really do not care. and yes, i am really excited about the whole thing even though i'm beginning to reach the point where i start hyperventillating whenever i think about standing in front of a classroom.

nevertheless, it's still kinda weird. and sad. i've lived away from home before, and the argument can be made that once you go to college, you don't really live there anymore (your siblings take your furniture, your room becomes the computer room, your dad puts a giant classified materials safe in your closet...what? nobody else had that happen?), but you still think of it as home base. but not any more. from now on, i'll just be a visitor. my mother is handling this better than i thought she would, particularly since sister #2 is leaving for college in a week. i'm just trying not to think about it too much, because it does make me sad. i mean, i know i can't live here anymore, we would all drive each other completely batty. but it's kind of hard giving up that last shred of childhood and completely vaulting into adulthood.

i'm completely in charge of my life now.

oh, i know i'm going to screw this up.