a new perspective

the past few months i've felt myself slowly descending from adulthood into some weird state that i can't really describe. i used to cook on a regular basis. last week i ate brownies for dinner. i used to pack a normal lunch for myself everyday. at one point in november, my lunch bag contained microwave popcorn, a packet of instant oatmeal, and m&ms. i used to exercise. i haven't been to the gym since may. i used to go to bed at a normal hour. i haven't been to sleep before 2am in weeks. i used to keep my stuff in order. right now, you literally cannot see the floor of my bedroom. i used to be responsible. now i blow my work off all the time.

i was starting to feel like all the giant leaps into adulthood that i had made over the past two years were disappearing. i'm still making sure that my bills get paid on time and that the oil gets changed in the car, sure. but my whole attitude was a little off from what it has been. then, tonight, adiya shed some light on the situation,

"you're a student again. things always go downhill when you're a student."

and she's right. things changed when i started classes in june. and they changed in ways that haven't happened since i left grove city. i don't eat right, i don't sleep enough, and the thought of taking time out of my day to go running just makes me cringe. maybe now that i know the problem, i can slowly start to bring myself back into the world of responsible adulthood.


but i will always be nocturnal...