09 October 2005

is honesty really the best policy?

you know what's funny? when people say "how are you" or "how's it going" in greeting, they don't really want to know. instead, they just want to hear "fine" or "ok, how about you". consequently, i spent the day lying. i gave the prerequisite "i'm ok", instead of answering with "i'm awful - my grandpa died today and i feel like my life is falling apart" or "i feel like i'm going crazy - my life is a mess and now i get to add a painful funeral to it, how about you?" it's not that i don't want to go. it is just going to be a hard, hard couple of days. i do not, however, want to be driving for nine hours tomorrow. and i am just trying so hard not to think about how insane my existence will become when i get back. i have tests and papers for a week and a half straight. i simply do not know how i am going to get it all done. the whole thing with a paper being due four days after break is really not helping things. especially since it's for the psycho professor. and i have no idea when i'm going to make costumes or figure out orchesis. plus i've been an emotional basket case for a variety of reasons (but at least part of that managed to solve itself today).

so i'm glad i wasn't expected to say more than "i'm ok". i really didn't want to have to explain why all i've wanted to do for the past three or so days is to just break down and cry. but i'll be honest here:

i'm not ok. but i will be. eventually.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

i'll be praying for you Laura, if you ever want to talk i'm here... and i def. don't expect you to say you're ok, because i know you aren't. i love you.
~Rebekah~

slb said...

Laura... I'm sorry... I love you. I'm praying for you that you can make it through all this.