i don't understand myself sometimes

it is 1:20 am. i have to wake up at 6am. yet i am writing this. why? i don't know. i never know why i do the things i do. i have just been meaning to update for awhile, and for some reason my whacked out brain has decided now is the time to do it. anyway, my life:

- school: is fine. some days i love my job, some days i hate my job. it all depends on how hard it is to get 3rd and 4th periods to cooperate. as a result, the days of hating my job outnumber the days of loving my job. several things are keeping me from being depressed, though. 1) everything will be wonderful next semester when all my lessons will already be planned. 2) everybody has a hard first year. 3) anytime i tell anyone, student, teacher, coach, anyone, the combination of personalities in my 3rd period, they have all said, "what in the world is wrong with guidance? that is the most insane group possible. they must really hate you." so apparently anyone would have trouble with that group. so it makes me feel better.

- friends: are cool. i've got a group of about five or six women i hang out with. it's really nice to have people to do things with. i'm the youngest in the group, but the majority of them are no more than three years older than me.

- family: is as insane as always. i'm still talking to ashley a lot, which is nice. tonight we went to the united methodist women's meeting at her mom's house. it was a hoot. but there was good food. i ended up getting in a discussion about the legalist beliefs of the amish. we all got together yesterday for grammer's birthday. it was the first time i'd seen biz and justin since the wedding. still feels weird to think of them married.

other random tidbits of joy, in no particular order:

- i got invited to chaperone njrotc trips (naval junior reserve officer's training corps, for those of you non-versed in military terms). apparently they need female chaperones, and the marine msgt in charge polled the kids, and my name came out in the top five of female teachers they want to go along. that made me happy. granted they are not exactly prime vacation spots (jacksonville, camp lejeune, and parris island), but there is a five day trip to d.c. in the spring, and i would get out of class. ashley got invited too, and aunt susan said we have to go do one together, just for the humor value. plus, i like chaperoning, for some bizarre reason unknown to me.

- i've started exercising on a regular basis. as in, four to five days a week i spend an hour and a half in the gym. i will write more on this later. i just thought i would share this unprecedented change in my personality. even weirder: i've cut back on my cheese intake.

- it is really hard to keep in touch with people once everybody graduates. nobody has time to waste on the internet anymore.

- i've started going to my grandma's church, and i really like it. i feel like i grew up there, because we've been going since i was born. pretty much every vacation to n.c., i was in that church for some reason or another. everybody there knows me, and has known me for a long time. i love that. my grandfather's church was ok, but i just went, listened, and went home. at grammer's church, people chase me down afterwards to talk to me. and i actually know who they are.

- i've watched more football this semester than the past four years combined. this is because my cousin is the new starting quarterback for n.c. state. it's been really cool (but weird) seeing him on national t.v. he's done a really good job the past two games - state is not ranked, but they completely upset two ranked teams (boston college (20) and florida state (17)). i just hope they can continue the streak. they're up again wake forest next. at least they know they can beat duke and chapel hill, who are running neck and neck for worst college football team in the history of the free world.

- last week was homecoming. it was completely hectic. i loved being in the homecoming parade (in the band truck). it was total Small Town USA. and it was amazing. i'm really starting to love living in this little town.

- i've been helping with the band. i spent allllll day saturday at a band competition. i have risen above band geek. i have transcended it, as it were. i mean, i thought it was bad when i received the official high school marching band staff blue polo shirt. and had my name under the "directors" column on a marching band t-shirt. but now i have worn aforementioned polo shirt to a band competition. i had a really good time, though. i liked watching the bands, and they gave us free food. good free food. there are perks to being a director and not a student. it made me want to see my high school band again. the more i work with the band here, the more i realize how good we were.

i think i'll go to bed now.